The Art of Slow Growth
I remember when I was a cheerleader in high school that we had a cheer that started all our games –
“Are you ready to get started?
Yes, we are!
Are you ready to get started?
Yes, we are!
I said an S
S-T
S-T-A-R-T
let’s start!”
(I’ll end it there, but if I had recorded an audio of this, you would have gotten the full effect.)
This cheer emerged from the recesses of my mind this morning while trying to meditate and I kinda laughed, but also, kinda cringed.
It’s the first Monday of the New Year and I don’t feel ready.
How about we scratch the surface of readiness?
Early in my psychotherapy internship I learned about the Stages of Change. These were originally termed The Stages of Readiness by Prochaska, circa 1998 according to Google. Being as how I was interning in 1999, I guess it was cutting edge.
There are 5 Stages of Change/Readiness
Precontemplation
Contemplation
Preparation
Action
Maintenance
There are A LOT of things from that internship I filed away never to be experienced again, the Stages of Change is not one of them.
This hit my 27-year-old self as sheer brilliance when I heard it. See, I was sure there was something wrong with me for generally feeling hesitant, resistant, stubborn and maybe even ugh…anxious. But learning these made me feel normal.
Though I don’t walk around obsessing about which stage I am currently in, I do appreciate the reference when I catch myself struggling with inaction.
What if it’s okay that I am not truly ready to dive into that task, or conversation or work project?
Maybe I am just hoovering in contemplation mode and it’s not because I am scared or incapable or the “thing” is out of alignment with my core values.
Contemplation IS the stage where most of us get hung up.
Let me give you the Cliff Notes of each stage and you’ll get my drift.
Precontemplation is when it’s not registering yet that this habit (we’ll just stick with habits as an example) is a problem.
Think about alcohol use. Maybe others in your life are telling you they want you to stop. That your behavior is causing them harm. But you aren’t so sure they are right. It seems more like THEIR problem with your drinking than YOUR problem with alcohol.
That’s precontemplation.
Contemplation is when you start thinking about the habit or behavior yourself.
You wake up to the fact that this thing you are doing doesn’t feel good anymore. The hangovers have gotten your attention, and you are beginning to wonder how you can limit your wine consumption from an entire bottle to just 2 glasses a night.
You’re thinking about it now.
That’s contemplation.
Preparation is when you start experimenting with new behavior.
“What if I start drinking wine at 7pm and then I will only feel like having one glass a night.”
Maybe you start researching ‘alcohol recovery’.
Maybe you avoid the wine aisle in the grocery store.
Maybe you tell someone you are working on changing this habit.
You are getting yourself ready to make the change.
That’s Preparation.
Action is the BIGGIE step. When the rubber meets the road.
You pour out your wine and don’t buy more.
You start walking in the evening instead of having a drink.
You go to an AA meeting.
You start therapy.
You DO SOMETHING.
That’s Action.
Maintenance is when you keep doing what you started. You set up systems and conditions that foster your new behavior.
I want to get back to Contemplation because we can hang out here for up to TWO YEARS according to psychological data. And being a therapist, I can attest.
Thinking, thinking, thinking about the change. It’s strange that we have to talk ourselves into leaving something that isn’t working for us anymore. But we are creatures of habit and as one of my grad school professors said,
“People aren’t speed boats. They are ocean liners. Turning things around happens inch by inch.”
As I sit on my meditation cushion ready-ing myself for another week, I’m in the contemplation stage.
I think most of us start our weekdays in contemplation.
Wondering if we have what it takes to tackle the things on our calendar. Feeling anxious and our stomachs clinching just a bit as we get caught in the totality of the week. We forget about staying in the present and going inch by inch.
That’s why January can seem daunting. We look at the ENTIRE YEAR and want so badly to live a different life this year. Change this or stop that. Finally do XYZ.
I wonder if we followed these natural human stages of change/readiness that we would realize Preparation isn’t just a nice bridge from Contemplation to Action – it’s vital.
What do you need to feel ready to take on the day?
How can you remember there is a preparation stage before any change can happen?
Readiness isn’t just thinking about the change and magically hoping it happens. It’s creating a map for yourself to get where you want to go. A realistic, personalized, doable set of steps to help you move to Action.
What’s your map look like for this week?
